Some Randon Ramblings

When I tried to sign in tonight Blogger informed me that they were switching to a Google based system. So I signed up for it and have been checking my Gmail account which is where they were supposed to forward some of the information about it. But nothing's come yet.

I'm really trying to put in more of an effort this time around to keep up with the blogging. I didnt have a chance to post anything at school today, so now I'm at home sitting up in bed, lights off, pants half unzipped, trying to compose something that doenst come off completely shitty. For the last few years, basically since blogs have come into their own as a modern alternative to the more traditional forms of media, I've been tracking them. Some more than others. I tend to gravitate toward those that deal with and address some of the issues I had growing up in an religiously restrictive environment. Lately though, and by that I mean in the last few days I came across a blog on xanga that I've found incredibly inspiring. The writer is a girl who seemed to have grown up in similar circumstances as myself and who is currently studying writing in some graduate program in California. Personal circumstances aside, the quality of her writing is spectacular. Mostly her posts are less prose than a poetic sort of stream of consciousness flow. And normally I would find something like that pretentious and off-putting, but here for some reason it really works. Inspired, I'm inspired to try and write like her. To develop whatever natural talent I may have, and pray that neglected it doenst just die, rather rusts, so that it can be nurtured and revived.

I'm so fucking sick of getting home and sitting around just watching mindless television for the rest of the night. I always thought of myself as something of a nihilist, but the disgusted reaction I get from watching five or six straight hours of tv makes me doubt my sincerity. If I was truly a pure nihilist, I imagine I would have less of a problem with it. Its not so much that I hate the shows, though those suck, its the same mindless routine night after night. Deep down I guess I really do mourn the lost time, the wasted years at this point. What can I do about it though. I asked my wife if we could throw out the tv a couple of weeks ago. She said no. So all I'm left with is leaving the living room after dinner, seemingly abandoning my wife, even though that's not really my intention, and retreating into the bedroom, the only other room in our apartmentm, to either read, surf the net or watch some dvd's from netflix. You might ask whether that's being somewhat hypocritical that I order dvd's while raging against tv, but I actually see a distinction. TV is the more destructive in my opinion because its never over, something's always on. Whereas dvd's are a set piece, when they're over they're done. dvd's also have a much higher production value and no commercials. The bottom line is that I just fucking hate tv and I can't seem to get away from it. In fact I blame it completely for the shoddy quality of my writing, which before I began watching television had some real potential.

Everyone around here is thrilled that the Democrats won last night. I'm not. I was looking forward to the apocolypse. I truly thought that this was the end. The Bush administration had so completely run the train off the tracks, there was just no going back. So now I have to figure out how to get back what I've completely written off. One word at a time, I guess.